I spend a lot of hours being absolutely useless. It’s true. Whether it be paralysis or simply a lack of direction is unclear. Uncertainty of purpose? Perhaps, but I think not. 

“Why” is not the question. “When,” much more so. I should know the “when” but apparently I don’t. And that is confusing. Confusing because I haven’t done that which needs to be done. At least not yet. And now “why” can legitimately enter the picture.

Do I need “why” to know “when,” or is that just an excuse? And all this from someone who apparently is anything but risk aversive! 

I don’t need any more “time to think” or “consultation” or “confirmation.” Ironically, what I need is of a far more practical nature and something that should have been relatively easy to acquire. 
And yet, here I am. I suspect not for long, but I’ve said that before. I hope I don’t have to say it again.

  We will see!


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